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BasketBollocks - your ultimate Bollocks source

BasketBollocks - your ultimate Bollocks source
Aug 20, 2008, 09:13 pm
Hello. My name is Sham, and I am your new DraftExpress blogger.

Sham isn't my real name, obviously. Even if it was, my real name would have to consist of more than just that solitary syllable, because I'm not a Portuguese footballer. No sane parent calls their son by a one syllable all-inclusive name, and only Maybyner Hilario, or those in some kind of intensely religious and/or professional hip-hop artist capacity, will opt to abridge their name in that way. Also, I'm a bit too English for all of that. We have a monarchy, you know.

My nationality is something that will feature in everything that I write, for it serves as my substitute for any insightful facts or opinions. I'll often talk of English pop culture references that you won't understand, and I'll also occasionally break out some mild English swearing that will make literally one of us laugh. (This explains the blog title.) So, with that in mind, let's clear up the obvious England questions:

a: No, I do not drink tea.
b: Actually, my teeth are perfect in every way.
c: No, I do not live in London.
d: Luol Deng is fantastic and I won't hear criticism to the contrary.

My mission, since I've chosen to accept it, is to provide insight-free general NBA commentary, daubing the pages of DraftExpress in misplaced adjectives, while talking about my real life friends slightly less than Bill Simmons does. However, in direct defiance of that last point, I also often advertise the British pop-indie group Scouting For Girls, because the bassist hugged me in a bar once. (Readers note: Liberal usage of hypocrisy is to be expected in these posts, as is the often poor grammar that is so unbecoming of an Englishman. Oh well.) The art of 'making a valid point' is thankfully not mandatory in this blog, which is good news for me, although some valiant and inevitably fruitless efforts to do so will be made nonetheless. Such 'points' often feature Salim Stoudamire and Devin Brown, because I kind of like them.

My other reason for visiting is shameless self-publicity. I am the sole owner, proprietor and visitor of the overwhelmingly blue NBA website, ShamSports.com. Every word on that website is of my doing, unless you're richer than me and want to sue me for slander. (In the event of such a scenario arising, then whatever it is, I didn't do it.) The website tries to combine accurate NBA info with a whimsical, devil-may-care approach to NBA commentary. However, since I'm in charge of it all, and since I'm an idiot, this premise is undermined immediately.

I will try and write more frequently than Jared Reiner, but I can't promise to write more interestingly. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee the opposite. After all, he's the one with the NBA experience and the professional basketball career. All I can offer you is lower middle class English colloquialisms and some lavish sexual metaphors. (Then again, I am Uros Slokar's Facebook friend. Jared Reiner, to my knowledge, is not. Therefore, which one of us has really made it? Correct answer: Jared Reiner. Obviously.)

I hide behind a soubriquet partly because it makes me feel like a champion of the people, and partly because it makes me feel like a spy. However, more importantly, I just want my name to be remembered, which is why I have shortened it to four letters. It worked for Nene, it worked for Cher, it worked for Bono, and by God, it will work for me.

Maybe.

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