I havent written a thing in 3 weeks. Why? Well Ill say it has 30% to do with the fact that I play Madden during my usual blog time, but also because I was in the middle of a very productive month on the court. Since Ive sucked the last few games, I guess I can get back to my old bloggin ways.
Its been a long few weeks but there havent been a lot of developments on and off the court. This month saw such events as my 27 point 14 rebound game, but also such events as my 2 point 3 rebound game where I was ejected with two techs. Yea, me, Rod Benson
ejected with two techs. People who know me know that it takes quite a lot to get me mad. Many people dont even know what an angry, frustrated, kick-me-out-of-the-game-before-I-lose-my-mind Rod Benson
looks like...heres an example:
Yep, definitely got a Tech here. It would be easy to blame the refs, but its not really their fault, I get frustrated when I play badly. Its even worse when Ive been playing so well all month. Although I must say that one game I got hammered in the back and that set me off, and I apologized to the ref who I went off on later, only to have another ref talk to me on a plane flight and tell me that I just tripped over someones foot. Cmon now? Word? Im just that clumsy that I throw myself over other peoples feet? Gotta be kiddin me. I actually heard one player on the other team say about that ref: I just want to be him up! All that aside, its almost playoff time, so all the games will be crazy.
Off the court has been a little more interesting. Well, for starters, there has been this thing that has taken over our team socially. Its called No Homo. No homo basically means Im not gay. Now, we are by no means homophobic, but I swear if you say anything remotely gay, you better say no homo afterwards or somebody will call you on it. What I used to do, back home in California, was say Thats what she said after such comments. Not anymore. My first week here I was hearing people toss out this No Homo thing left and right. Now it has gotten so bad that you cant say anything without hearing no homo. Basically if you talk about anything without making it clear what that thing is, youre probably in a world of hurt. Lets say your legs hurt so bad you can hardly walk. Dont you dare say Dang, Im hurtin so bad I can hardly walk. Ok for example, one of my teammates was putting on his deoderant -- couldnt be a less homo thing, right -- and I guess he had applied quite a bit of it already. Well someone asks him Why do you put so much on? He replies, I dont know, I just keep rubbing it til the white shows up. Oh my Lord did he get an ear full for not saying no homo after. Its gotten so bad that we can be in the huddle now. Coach will say Why cant we get any balls inside? I swear guys will look at each other like He better say no homo. Its crazy because we play a sport. A sport that involves balls, no less. You cant say anything sports related at all. Dang I only got 2 balls tonight. Nope, cant say that. So now we are wrapped up in this no homo mess and we cant get out. I, personally, and pushing for a return to Thats what she said. That way we can all enjoy our gross sports statements.
We did have one guy who never bought into the no homo nonsense. We picked up a 611 Brazilian kid named Morro [editor's note: Leonardo di Pacce dos Santos
]. Morro speaks almost zero english. He has since been released and signed by the Tulsa 66ers, but it was real interesting while he was here. All he knows is cuss words. To me this is hilarious because it makes his points a lot more emphasized that they need to be. For example, he hardly got any playing time because the communication barrier was too strong. As a result he was always angry about his playing situation. We were roomates in the hotel when we went to Austin. Out of the blue he says to me: My agent is motherf*#ker. Coach is motherf*#ker. I start to laugh and I ask him why. He says No money, no play? Both motherf*#ker. HAHA. I speak real broken, simple english to him and I say It no that bad. Be good. Patient Morro. Morro then grabs my laptop and goes to brazilbasket.com. I had never heard of brazilbasket but I can only assume its run by the same people as eurobasket, the largest international basketball website. The writing is in all portugese so I cant understand any of it. He points to the very front page. MORRO: 0, 0, 0, 0... blah blah blah portugese nonsense. I ask him what that means in the best way I can. He says Morro no play. Brazilbasket say Morro no play, Morro no good. I say Noooooo. No say that. He replies Yes! Nene? NBA. Vinicius? NBA. Barboza? NBA. Morro? The laugh at Morro! I couldnt help but laugh too. I mean that was hella funny. In the end, he switched teams and it worked out just fine for the guy.
Taking Morros place on our roster is a guy by the name of Jerome Beasely. Jerome used to play for the Wizards, right before I got here. I specifically remember him posterizing Brad Buckman
while I was still in Austin. Well hes back. I had no idea this guy was such a character. He might even be more of a character than me. The thing about Jerome is that he is all about wordplay. Like today he says Youre tired because you just need to be home, in your sanctuary. He takes pleasure from throwing out words like sanctuary. Jerome also thinks he can do everything. Like Renaldo is watching a Jet Li movie. There are obviously many Jet Li moves that get OOhhs and AAaahs from a normal audience. Jerome? He says Those are basic moves really. He isnt doing anything really advanced. Although later in the movie he will do some more uncommon moves that I will be able to complete soon. Huh? What? Did you just call Jet Lis upside down Chinese flying movie bicycle kick a common move? I could only imagine his 610 270 lb. self trying to do a round house kick against Jet Li. But Jerome says he is a first degree blackbelt and that one day he will reach the 8th degree. It was when he said that that people started to look at him crazy. Actually, I guess it was just me, because everyone else says Thats just J.B. Well I didnt know all that. Someone said to him You are just a man of many talents, huh? He replied Yea, well actually there are only two or three things I cant do. I said Hold up, hold up. You mean like two or three out of all the things in the world that can be done? Like everything, only 2 or 3 cant be completed by J.B.? Thats exactly right, I can do about everything in the world except 2-3 things, he replies. This really bothers me for some reason. Not in an angry way, but like a O.K. he cant be serious kind of way. So I sit back and make a list of things I KNOW he cant do. I text it to him:
Things u probly cant do
1. Tight rope walk
2. Hit a Barry Zito curve
3. Surf a wave
4. Recite Pi to 50 places
5. Define Hypotenuse
6. Compete in the worlds strongest man
7. Start a fire in the woods w/o matches or lighter
I tried to incorporate things from all areas of life, just to shut him down. To my surprise I got this back:
I can do all of them.
What? Who are you guy? You cant possible believe that! So I see him a few minutes later and I say to him Theres no way you can tightrope walk. He says Its all about balance and focus. I say And you can do the strongman competition? All you said was can I compete, yea I can compete. Interesting. I let it go for a while because I realize that he is not all about believing that he can do these things, but that he is about saying the right things to where you cant prove him wrong. I later say You cant swim the english channel. He says If you give me enough time. See all he is looking for in a verbal out. I get it. But I did get him to admit that he couldnt say Pi to 50 places, but even that was a struggle: SO what is Pi, to 50 places? Well you need to give me the time to think about it, he says. I say If you know it you know it, only geniuses can do something like that. I only know to four places. He, of course, replies Well you do know what classifies a genius right? See they say we only use 10% of our brain, so if you use 11% youre a genius. I guess he wins again, for now. But I would appreciate if you could suggest things that Beasley cant do in the comments section. I actually think he would get a kick out of saying how he could do them. He actually is enjoying me writing this right now.
Even more Rod Benson